passion

What are you passionate about? Have you ever allowed yourself to take a deep breath and plunge into that scary yet exciting place where you explore what it is that makes you tick? A few weeks ago our team was part of a module (weekend retreat) where we talked about this very thing...and tonight God brought it all together like some beautiful masterpiece.
There are a few things that I am really passionate about. One is that I become and remain a woman of faithfulness, confidence, and good character to my husband, other family, co workers, friends, and strangers. My reputation as being someone that people can come to and trust is very important to me. I am also passionate about martial arts, self defense and kickboxing to be more specific. I won't lie, I really like to punch and be punched in a controlled situation...and I like to be trained to know that I can still punch and be punched in a serious, dangerous, and uncontrolled situation. Another part of that passion for the martial arts is instilling confidence and strength in others, especially women.
Another, and hopefully forever the greatest, passion I have is seeing people who seem to have very little in common share the greatest thing ever in common...salvation in a relationship with Jesus. Tonight I gathered with a bunch of people who for the most part look like me, WASPS. Yes, I am remembering a term I learned in a university sociology class: White Anglo Saxon Protestant. Besides our age, there was not much difference in the people seated around me when I went to sing songs of praise to God and listen to people reflect on his Word tonight. Don't get me wrong, it was a very encouraging and thought provoking evening where God's people gathered to give Him glory, so it was amazing. All I'm saying is that we were a group of people with very similar backgrounds and life circumstances. Toward the end of the evening was when things really started to get exciting. There is a large group of refugees in Abilene from the Bhutan/Nepal region, and members of our church are helping them out with various day to day activities. One of the married couples decided to be baptized tonight, so many of the refugees came to celebrate with them and see what the baptism thing was all about. A preacher from Clyde (a very small town near Abilene) also came to celebrate with us...did I mention he is from India and converted from the Hindu religion? Amazing! People from other churches around the city who have connections to the refugees also came to celebrate the baptism. So here we are, tall people and short people, light people and dark people, people who have known Jesus for many years and others who don't know if they want anything to do with Him, and people from other denominations (what a concept) watching this couple participate in the death, resurrection, and eternal life of Christ. It was amazing! As the couple went back to get changed we sang some songs. After singing through the few "planned" songs, we started singing others that just came to the leader. We sang Our God is an Awesome God, and it's like the whole gathering just came alive! You could see people clapping, moving around, really enjoying the fact that our God is awesome. It was exhilarating and beautiful. It welled up passion within me. It reminded me that this is what God will have me be a part of in Australia, participating with people who seem so very different as they realize that we have all been made in the image of God. I felt like I was looking into my future, and it was amazing.
I would really like to hear what you are passionate about. Please leave a comment and share your thoughts with me!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

I thought I was a little more behind than I actually am; I really though it had been a month since I last posted something. Three weeks is not bad, considering the craziness of the holidays! No excuses though, the first of the year should bring more consistent postings.
A few weeks ago our team experienced some sad moments and really happy moments. On December tenth Jenica told the team that she would not be continuing on with us to Ipswich. She had many reasons why. It was really hard to see her go, but I think God is already working the situation out to His glory. The day after that came the good moment, Gregory graduated from college! We got to spend the evening with his parents and sister, and had a blast celebrating that big milestone with him.
Our team spent the seventeenth through the twentieth at an amazing lodge on Lake Brownwood. This was our last (and longest) module! It was spiritually, emotionally, and physically exhausting, but it was amazing. I cried everyday we were there, what is that about! I think I'm getting more weepy as the days go by. The timing for the module was really good, our new three person team got to talk about how we felt about losing Jenica and all the implications that go along with that. I also had the amazing blessing of growing closer to the women of the team that is moving to Chile in 2011. I have a new love for each and every one of them!
Our Christmas was a bit scrambled; our schedule got a little messed up. As my sister said when I told her we would not make it to see them in Bastrop, "This is turning out to be a very untraditional Christmas!" Amen sister! We will be seeing them later in the month, so that will be good. At least we were not stranded on I-20 for eleven hours on Christmas eve like some of our friends! You know who you are. :)
On a totally unrelated note, I read this article about Ipswich today and thought it was interesting.
http://www.qt.com.au/story/2009/12/30/council-say-they-can-cope-with-population/

The nose knows

Monday night was quite a new experience for me, I was punched in the face and broke my nose. I didn't block a punch at kickboxing, and the rest is history. However, the entire night was graced by the presence of God so I'd like to share some of that history. Although I don't consider this graphic some might, so read with caution!
Let's start with the punch. It came rather quickly, so while it didn't hurt at first I knew something was wrong. I had just enough time to pull off my gloves before my nose started bleeding all over the floor. The initial shock of it all led me to stand there and bleed all over the floor much longer than I should have, sorry about that to my instructor and owner of the school! He encouraged me to go into the bathroom and get some paper towels. I went into the bathroom breathing quite heavily (that's what I do when I experience traumatic physical pain, I heave), and my instructor quickly followed after me with a cold pack. I sat in the bathroom with the cold pack for just a few seconds before the guy who hit me in the face ran into the bathroom with a HUGE bag of ice! In freak out mode (and probably a little bit of dad mode, he has little ones at home) he wanted to get some ice for my nose, and I guess that's all they had at the gas station next door! He filled a bag with ice and gave it to me for my nose. In the meantime one of the other students at our school came in to ask a question about cleaning the blood off the floor. Granted he works there part time, but did I mention he is a pro MMA fighter offering to clean up my blood?
Next came the real issue...how I would get to the ER. My instructor and the above student I just mentioned suggested that I get to the ER as soon as possible so I could get my nose reset. You can imagine that a lot of those guys have had their noses broken before! My instructor got my phone for me so I could call my husband to come get me...but in the midst of the chaos I forgot that he does not have a vehicle right now. He's driving a huge fire truck around to show to customers, and picking me up in that would not work very well. My instructor offered to take me to the ER while Matt found a way to get there, but then the guy who hit me insisted that he do it instead. Everyone got my stuff together and he took me down to the ER. As I walked out the door all the guys were sure to give me some sort of "hope all turns out well" goodbye.
I'd like to stop here for a moment and share how I saw God working at the school that night. When everyone saw that I was hurt, they jumped into action. My instructor stopped teaching class to come and help me. He even offered to reset my nose for me, which he did with kind of a scared, "I don't really want to, but I can if you need me to" look. Definitely a no, but it was a nice thought! The guy who hit me had nothing on his mind but making sure that the bleeding stopped and that he got me to the ER. Even my friend and fellow student came to check on me and ask how my nose felt before he finished cleaning the blood up off the floor. Monday night those guys were my family, taking care of me until my husband could be there. They didn't judge or make fun of me, they helped me. God was showing his love through the care and concern of those guys that night.
I have another family that would have done the same thing though (besides my obvious birth family), and that's the group of people that I share my relationship with Jesus with. I know that if none of the guys from the school could have taken me to the ER, then any one of the people I participate in house church with would have dropped what they were doing to come and get me. The thing I love about my martial arts school is that anyone and everyone is welcome. Your skill level, age, or athleticism don't matter, what matters is that you go and try your hardest. However, there is one thing missing. Although I am very close to a few people at my school and know the most joyous and painful parts of their lives, I do not have a relationship with each and every student. There is no encouragement to share life outside of the martial arts world. Do I think that's a bad thing? No, not really. If people could find all fulfillment in a relationship with the martial arts world, then there would be no need for Jesus. However, they can't. I can't, or else I would have quit participating in my house church a long time ago and would just go work out all the time! My family in Christ shares one thing that my marital arts family does not, and that's the encouragement to bring the really dark corners of our lives out into the open so that Jesus can flood them with his light and love.
Now for part two of God's story. The guy got me to the ER and decided to stay until Matt got there. I sat down, and there was one other couple in the waiting room. Their situation seemed much worse. The woman was rocking back and forth crying and saying, "I can't lose a baby, I'm halfway there!" It was obvious she was there because she thought she was having a miscarriage. I'm sitting there in almost no pain, with a little blood on my clothes, and she's experiencing a life or death moment with her husband and unborn child. I sat there and prayed for them, asking God to save their lives. After just a few seconds the nurse came to take her away. I lost some money on a trip to the ER and a few extra hours of sleep that night, but there is a very good chance that a husband and wife lost the life of their little baby. It was very humbling. I partially think that I got punched in the face because I did not block, but even more than that I think I got punched in the face so that God would have someone crying out to him on behalf of that family Monday night. I think if you look in the Bible you will find many instances when people who give their lives to God are put in hard situations so that they can bless other people, and I think Monday night was one of those moments. There's nothing special about me, but what makes me special is that God wants to include me in his work in this world.
Since I am on the topic of family, there are a few other people I need to mention from this string of events. I need to give a huge thanks to my father in law and Matt for coming to take care of me. Scott got Matt to me at the ER, waited on me, and then took us back to my car which was at the karate school. He stayed out super late with finals to tend to the next day to be there for his family. Also, Matt is ridiculously sick right now, and he drove me to the pharmacy at midnight to get medicine after my ER visit. He is an amazing husband! Lastly, my mother in law and grandmother made us dinner tonight so that Matt and I would not have to be busy in the kitchen after I got my nose reset today. I am really blessed!

Resurrection

I was thinking and praying this morning, and realized that I have been on autopilot. Not only have I been on autopilot, I chose a boring, dirt road to wander down. What do I mean by this? Well, I've chosen laying under the covers way too long every morning over the warmth and refreshment that talking to God can bring. I've not really prayed much, because I've allowed myself to think that when I bring the same thing up to God over and over again, He gets tired of me. Deep down inside I know this is not true, but I think I can confidently say that those thoughts happen to myself and others quite often. I've not allowed myself to dream about what will happen when we are in Australia. This is a big deal, because when we stop thinking about and praying for the moms, brothers, and wives that we'll meet in Australia this whole mission becomes about us pushing through to a goal that we've stubbornly set for ourselves, instead of faithfully taking a path that God has cleared for us. Whenever I find myself in this funk I like to think about the words that Paul said back in the day, "And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you". This morning as I was thinking about those words, God took my thoughts to another place that I'd like to share.
Let's think about the resurrection in reverse order. Jesus was raised from the dead, and that same power of God that brought a dead man to life is living in me. Pretty awesome. But to be resurrected, you must be dead, and before that you must have died. That might seem redundant, but there really is a huge difference between dying and being dead. I personally think the former has the potential to be much worse. This is where God took me today, in order to accept the joy of being given new life we have to accept that sometimes we are going to have to experience death. This could actually be the death of a loved one or close friend, but it really goes much further than that. Let's face it, really bad things happen all the time in our relationships, around us, because of us, etc. Stick with me, the connection is coming. We can't expect to fully appreciate the fact that we are living a resurrected life until we've been brought out of something that just about killed us. This is where autopilot comes in. In order to not feel the burden of death in my life, I often just avoid it all. I don't experience the good, life changing, life bringing opportunities in my own and others' lives because I don't want to experience the bad. However, what I end up with is a life traveled on an ugly, dirt road with no joy, memories, or life.

Fundraising and TeamQuest

Last Friday Matt and I held our fundraising dinner. I blogged about it in my last post...remember the breakdown? Well, no extra people came. We ended up having it in one of the smaller rooms of the church building, and it was great! We think that God really wanted the specific attendees together for this specific dinner. We ended up having five families represented and two individuals, totaling about eighteen people. We were really blessed to have Matt's mom help me get the food ready and the room set up. Help me is really an understatement, she's wonderful! The Green's blessed us by serving the dinner. Dwight W. who I've mentioned before came to support us. He and his wife shared the good news of Jesus in Adelaide for many years. Two of our very sweet and supportive female friends came to learn more about what we're doing. They really blew us away with wanting to spend the evening encouraging and praying with us. Perhaps the most surprising couple of the evening though was one that Matt first met when they lived in Searcy, Arkansas. They are family friends, and David works at ACU with Matt's stepdad. Their coming was so refreshing! After everyone ate that night, Matt and I gave our usual presentation. It was pretty apparent that this couple was soaking it up. After the presentation we opened the floor up to questions, and they had many good ones. When it was all said and done they said that they were really encouraged by our excitement in going to Australia. It was pretty amazing, because we encouraged them by showing excitement in being on this journey, and they encouraged us by coming out of the blue to support us and spend the evening hearing what we have to say. What we've found is that people don't even give Australia a chance when they think of countries/continents where not many people know the love of Jesus. However, once they hear more about it they are blown away. We don't ask people to be as excited as us about going...but we can't help but think that if they heard our story they might be!

This past Thursday our team was again part of TeamQuest. TeamQuest is an evening that ACU hosts where students can go and learn about how to be involved in God's mission through doing internships around the world and joining mission teams. Each team that is currently training makes food from their country to serve. We also talk to the students about the different internships we've done, our teams, where we're going, etc. This year I told students about how I did an internship in New Zealand in 2004. I would make the joke as I talked about how many of them were in high school when I did that internship. I had one student say, "I think I was in middle school". Yep, I'm old. Anyway, I love TeamQuest because I love to tell our story. God has done such crazy things in our lives that I can't help tell about them. It's cool to talk to students and see their eyes light up as they're thinking, "Hey, I can do that!" For those of you who just go places for the food, this year we served curried sausages (probably more of an Indian dish,
but still really popular in Australia), ANZAC biscuits, hot tea, and of course the usual Vegemite on crackers. We serve the Vegemite primarily for the shock factor. :) Don't worry, that flag is not touching the ground. I don't know if that's a big deal in Australia, but we try to show respect to the Australian flag just like we do the US flag.

This morning Matt is enjoying a Nascar race with some of the men in his family. It was kind of amusing, his stepdad called during the week and said, "Tish did not want to go right? Because if she did, we did not get her a ticket". I can't think of many more places I'd rather not be, but I really appreciated him thinking of me! I'm getting quite a few team things done; I've updated our "partner tally sheet" as I like to call it. I also sent out an email to those who have given us their email address in the past for updates. I contacted two new possible supporters, or at least people who might know people who might be supporters...you know what I mean. I'm about to send out some thank you cards. Then Bane and I are going to go out and enjoy this amazing day, he deserves to run around outside and sniff some light poles.

break down

I've been trying to catch up this weekend. So many wonderful things have happened the past week and a half, and a lot of really heartbreaking/frustrating things have also happened. To be honest I'm to frazzled to recall any of them, but I'm glad I experienced them. Last night I called one of the elders from my home church in Corpus to fill him in on our progress for leaving in January, which is not going to happen. Some might say, "now Tish, have some faith", but seriously, unless God miraculously transplants us there in January then it's not going to happen. When I say miraculously, I mean miraculously. Like walking on water miraculously. Anyway, he did not answer which was a bit of a relief and was really stressful all at the same time. I have been super stressed about talking to him, mainly because I have to say, "we're not ready". I'm ready to hear him say, "well, we're tired of waiting, you should be ready". What makes me feel this way? It's not anything he's said in the past, except for, "January is going to come quickly". I think that satan has taken that one little sentence and totally jacked my heart and my brain with it. We've been working on fundraising, citizenship, and visas for the past three+ months, but are not much further now than when we started. I am a go getter, and I feel like the fact that none of this is done is a poor reflection on me. Satan is using the way God made me to turn around and beat me down. I'm scared that this wonderful man of God and this wonderful church, who have always been nothing but encouraging, is going to desert us. I'm afraid that they are going to be disappointed in us. Disappointing people is what scares me more than anything else in the world. Just writing this is making me cry (for the second time in one day mind you, I think that's some sort of record). The screen is fuzzy through my tears, but I will press on!
So what have I been working on today? Well, I put together our little excel sheet showing who our ongoing and one time financial partners are. The list might be small, but it is an amazing reminder that there are people who agree that this journey is one that God alone has put us on. I'm grateful for those people. I also looked more in depth into money transfers from the U.S. to Australia, and wrote an email to XE.com asking them some questions. I wrote this ridiculously long email to a girl from Oklahoma who emailed me to ask what Matt and I will be doing in Australia. I probably scared that girl half to death, she's going to have to take a lunch break in the middle of reading the email because it's so long! I also talked with the man who is going to help us in our fundraising dinner on Friday night. He and his wife are going to be our hosts/MCs for the evening, it is very kind of them to help us out. That email correspondence led to the first wave of tears. He asked me what was expected of he and his wife on Friday, and while Matt and I have some ideas we did not have it totally figured out yet (this is the beginning of the whole letting people down thing...why haven't I been doing more to prepare?). I called our mentor Gary to get a better idea of what he's seen in the past. He gave me some wonderful ideas, and then I dropped the bomb that out of the twenty-ish invites we've sent out, only three people have RSVPd to say they are not coming. No one has said they are coming. Yeah, the tears came flooding through! I was trying to hold them back, and if I could have made it about thirty more seconds he never would have known. Yeah right, it's totally easy to tell when someone's crying on the phone, but I tried to fool myself. Since I was pretty confident that he could tell I was crying, I just let it all out. Deep gasps for air, snorting nose, the whole nine yards. I'd like to think he's used to it having a teenage daughter...let's hope so. Gary was very, very encouraging (as usual), and I managed to gain my composure. He said it will all be alright, which I do believe deep down inside. When I cry, it's not because I don't have hope and faith that this will happen. I cry because I have been giving my heart, my mind, and my time to things other than preparing to go. There are so many aspects of this journey that are only in God's hands, but there are a few that are totally in mine and I have let them slip right through. I'm so frustrated at myself for, I don't know, I guess being scared and therefore avoiding the tasks that have been set before me.
Everyone experiences trying to find the balance between what God calls us to trust Him to do and what He calls us to do ourselves, but I don't think people understand how much of a burden this is for people like me. Some people never really get what it feels like for your heart to feel like you have to keep EVERYTHING together even when your brain knows better. It is exhausting and emotionally draining, and every once in a while you can't keep it all together and you break down. That's me today...wave of tears number three. Now I'm sweaty and my nose is runny, but it is freeing. I'm sitting here breaking down before God, knowing that he will pick up these pieces and put them together like He does every time. Maybe this time though He'll leave out one of the little pieces that makes me feel like this all hinges on me. I'm tired of that feeling.

Thank goodness I'm young

So last Friday (like over a week ago, not four days ago) I left work and started my mission: to drive as much of the state, see as much of the family, and exhaust myself as much as possible. Okay, so I hoped to avoid the third one...but the first two are accurate. My sister, brother in law, and two nephews moved from Idaho to Bastrop (yipee!), last weekend, and I wanted to help them move into their new place. Keep in mind that I have not seen my nephews since last Christmas, so I was pretty eager to be with them! I left at 6:30ish on Friday night and got into Bastrop at 10:40ish. Not bad for a young lady on a Friday night, I was feeling good. I went to sleep immediately. My sister had put a futon mattress on the floor in the boys' room, and it was glorious. If you're wondering, futon mattresses are far more comfortable on the floor than on the chair. Saturday morning I woke up and started breaking down the many boxes my sister had already managed to empty the few days before. It was just the two of us and the boys in the house, because my bro in law, father, and uncle had left for Belton before I got up. They had to go get the rest of the "heavy" stuff. I would break down a few boxes, stop and read a chapter of Captain Underpants to the boys, and then break down a few more boxes. Around lunch time my sister and I took a Reader's Digest tour of the town, got lunch, and ran home with the boys. I then ate pizza, had a cup of coffee, and a slice of cake. After that I took a shower and left their house. I left at 3:15pm, so I was at my sister's for what, seventeen hours?
I left Bastrop for Carrollton, because my sister in law was having her ...th birthday party (she might not like me broadcasting it to the world) Her family and friends were going to be surrounding her, and I wanted to be there. The trip should have taken about four hours, but it rained the entire way! I'm not kidding, I might have had about five minutes with no rain. I can't complain though, a good bit of the state got rain that day! I got to Carrollton at about 8:30pm, just in time to see my sister in law blow out the candles on her beautiful birthday cake. My mother in law made it, and it was great! I ate dinner, chatted with my husband (who had driven in from Ballinger that same day, that's why we weren't together), had some cake, and tried to chill out a little. You should have seen my knuckles after driving through Dallas on a Friday night in the rain...it was interesting. The party was great, everyone left, and we went to sleep.
We got up Sunday morning for church. Matt and I were blessed to be able to spend some time with the missions committee at Farmer's Branch on Sunday morning after church, and tell them our story. Linda and Brett were very encouraging. We hope and pray that Farmer's Branch will be able to partner with us in one way or another, please pray about the possibilities that God will create! After church we met with some extended family for lunch, and then went back to Matt's sister's house to get our stuff packed up. We were there about eighteen hours. Matt and I left in separate cars toward home (that was a bummer). We got back into Abilene just in time to meet with our brothers and sisters in faith at our home gathering, which was great. I was tired, but I want to soak up every moment and special occasion with family that I can. Thank goodness I'm young, and thank goodness God gives me strength that is beyond measure.

Who has time for another story? This Saturday we were blessed by our friends Chris, Hasina, Stephanie, and The Brew coffee shop here in Abilene. The Brew offered to give our team a portion of their profits from 6-10pm on Saturday. We gathered, set up an information table, met people, drank coffee, played games, and had a blast! We ended up making a some money, telling people what God is doing in our lives, encouraging others that anything is possible, meeting new friends, and blessing the coffee shop with a very busy night. Thanks to everyone who played an important part in Saturday's events.